I, up until the past year, had personally never met a female who didn't want children. I knew they were out there, but I just personally never had the chance to chat with one. (maybe it's my choice of company, don't meet many motherless children at homeschool groups LOL)
I've met those who couldn't have children. I have been a person who thought I couldn't have children ( or at least bring a living child into the world) at one point. It was heart wrenching and sad. I've met ladies whose husbands didn't want children. I listened to them lament over the fact that their husbands were too childish and caught up in their own lives to have children. I've also met, the "we're not ready yets" who want children in a few years. Then I met Millie (name has been changed).
I met Millie about a year ago at a nursing home. My family has always done quite a bit of volunteering at nursing homes and thoroughly enjoyed the crafts and events we helped out in.
On this particular day, I was waiting for the kids to finish a craft and I wondered in a room and there sat Millie, tears running down her face. Millie was 91.
I took her hand and sat with her. She started talking and I started weeping with her. She talked to me about her life, how successful she had been. The countries she visited, the classes she taught, the plays she had seen. She described the house she had lived in, the cars she had drove. She even mentioned the fashionable clothes she had worn. Then she told me about her decision not to have children. Millie was married to her husband for about fifty years. She told me they were "too busy" for the chaos children brought to lives, didn't want to put the energy, time or money into having children. Her husband had his hobbies, she had hers and their life was full. Millie told me she had never been more wrong about anything.
She said the biggest regret she has is not having children. "Look at me," Millie sobbed, "I sit here and watch children come in and comfort their parents, and watch the parent's eyes light up. I have none of that. I've missed everything."
I tried in vain, to comfort Millie. I left there sick to my stomach.
I've never been able to imagine what it would be like not to want children. I've wanted children as far back as I can remember. I wanted children when I was wagging around my baby dolls. I wanted children when I stuffed my cats into baby clothes and tried to cram bottles in their mouths. I wanted children when I babysat my neighbor's kids. I wanted children when I sat in the doctor's office and listened to him explain why I kept miscarrying. I've always wanted children. I think God designed us ladies that way.
While I've still never met a young lady who has told me she doesn't ever want children. I hear of them, and my response has been, well if they don't want children, they are better off without them....but now I think of Millie. I'm not quite sure what the answer is, but I can't imagine living my life without children.
Just my thoughts for today......
- ► 2010 (10)